I am one of those people who rarely gambles. But when co-workers collect money to play the office lottery pool, I always throw in my money. (More like throw away my money!)
At first, teaming up with co-workers sounds like a great idea. Why play solo, when the odds of hitting the jackpot are only 1 in 300 million? When I team up with co-workers, the odds are better — something like 13 in 300 million.
I never want to play, but I don’t want to be left crying at my desk while my coworkers are hanging with Jimmy Buffett, drinking frozen concoctions on a tropical island.
Out of all of the Star Beacon employees, only Wise Warren never plays.
“Someone has to stay behind and keep the Beacon going,” he says. “It will be my privilege.”
I was beginning to think like Wise Warren after I tallied how much money I’ve spent on the office lottery pool in the past month or so. That’s when I decided it was time for an office meeting.
We gathered around the desk of Michelle the High Roller, who organizes the pool.
“Enough is enough,” I said. “It’s time to face the facts — we are losers. We never win. We are throwing away our hard-earned money.”
Brian P. the Bookie suggested we start buying scratch-off tickets instead.
It seemed like a good idea.
I ‘googled’ the odds of winning money with a scratch-off ticket. Come to find out, it’s a one in 52 chance of winning some cash, even if it’s just $1. That’s a lot better than 1 in 300 million.
So, we each threw in a few bucks, for a total of $50, and voted to have Brian P. the Bookie go with Michelle the High Roller to buy some scratch offs. Maybe Brian P. would be our lucky charm.
It was a crapshoot, but surely, we would win some cash.
Faithful readers, you won’t believe what they did.
The Trusted Twosome bought a $50 scratch off and WON — yes, won $100! All this happened unbeknownst to the rest of us poor folks waiting back at the office.
Oh, I can hardly type the dreadful words of what happened next …
They used the $100 to buy two $50 scratch offs and lost it all! All! All gone! No mon! No fun! I couldn’t believe it.
“I could have bought a dozen eggs!” I cried. “Why? Why did you do that? When you win money, you stop.”
Michelle the High Roller laughed and said, “You’re not a gambler, are you?”
Then I shared my Las Vegas winnings story: I put $1 in the Wheel of Fortune slot machine and won $21. Then, I quit.
“You stop gambling after you win! You don’t spend all your winnings. That’s how you lose it all,” I said.
Brian P. the Bookie said, “We won $100, so I thought maybe we would win $1,000.”
“No, no no! That’s how they get you. It’s a gimmick!” I said.
He then argued that if we divvied up the $100, each of us would get a little less than $10 each.
“So? It’s still something,” I said. “Something is better than nothing.”
Downtrodden, discouraged and broke, I meandered back to my desk. But, next time we wager, I’m going with the Trusted Twosome and we will see what happens.
Of course, I’ll keep my faithful readers posted.
By coincidence, staff writer Shelley Terry is going to Vegas next week to visit Handsome Son and Lovely Daughter-in-law. She’s taking $20 to play at a casino. Who said she’s not a gambler?! You can reach her at [email protected]